Silence
by GunBunnyCentral
Summary: "It wasn't the most romantic or auspicious start to a relationship, but the hope of renewal it offered grew slowly into something made all the more precious for the grief that birthed it..."


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Title: Silence  
**Author:** Margaret Brown, aka Andromeda Valentine  
**Fandom:** Andromeda  
**Pairing:** Beka/Rommie; mention of prior Dylan/Rommie  
**Rating:** R, just to be safe...  
**Status:** New (04/23/03); Complete  
**Archive:** Yes to list archives, anyone else please ask first.  
**Feedback:** Yes, please!!  
**E-mail address for feedback:** andromeda_valentine@hotmail.com  
**Series/Sequel:** None  
**Other Websites:** Crimson Redd -   
**Disclaimers:** Not mine, as usual - Drom belongs to Tribune and the song Silence belongs to Delirium and Sarah McLachlan...

Summary: "It wasn't the most romantic or auspicious start to a relationship, but the hope of renewal it offered grew slowly into something made all the more precious for the grief that birthed it..."

Notes: The song lyrics are from Silence by Delirium and Sarah McLachlan, off the Delirium album Karma.

Though it didn't start that way, this fic is now in answer to Maryavatar's 'Sex And Death' challenge - a death somehow leads to sex, with as much angsty emotion as can be mustered... I'm thinking this qualifies...

Warnings: Death fic (Dylan's dead, Jim...); high angst building to at least a quasi-happy ending...

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The funeral left them all cold, the full military honors somehow impersonalising it into something beyond their very private grief. Trance had cried in Harper's arms through the entire service, the warrior fading back into the child in the face of her loss. Tyr had made a brief appearance at the service before slipping away to mourn in private, not quite sure of what he felt at the loss of a friend and sometime adversary. Beka, now Captain Valentine twice over, had stood at the head of the group, wanting nothing more than to *not* be there.

And, Rommie... Well, Rommie had stood silent at her new Captain's side, a stoic figure seemingly made of ice and cold metal. She'd not said a word since officially pronouncing Dylan dead and announcing the shift in the chain of command to Beka's shoulders, all in a voice as lifeless as her former Captain and lover.

__

Give me... release...  
Witness me...  
I am... outside...  
Give me... peace...

Beka had realized the extent of Rommie's silence then with a jolt, recalling for the first time that Rommie's withdrawal was more than simple quiet grief for her captain. They had *all* lost a friend, and a captain - Rommie, however, had lost her captain, her best friend, her lover, *and* her last tie to her former life, all in one moment.

Was it any wonder, then, that no words would come to her?

__

Heaven holds a sense of wonder,  
and I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides...  


The funeral had been long over before Beka had been able to catch up with her, finding her, finally, curled up in the bed she'd shared with Dylan, weeping inconsolably in total silence. 

It was the quiet that unnerved Beka most - grief that raw should have been loud and noisy, spilling out into the world around Rommie so that it didn't tear her to shreds inside. The fierce protective streak that welled up in Beka at that had unnerved her as well, touching on too many emotions she'd thought long buried.

One look into those tear-filled eyes, though, as Rommie noticed her presence, had broken her momentary paralysis and propelled her to Rommie's side.

__

Passion... choke the flower  
'til she cries no more,  
possessing all the beauty,  
hungry still for more...  


Words had finally failed Beka too in that moment, lost to the overwhelming sense that nothing she could say would even be heard over the emotional tempest Rommie was lost in. Instead, she'd offered the only thing she had - her shoulder, and the patented Valentine iron will behind it.

__

Heaven holds a sense of wonder,  
and I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides...  


__

In this white wave, I am sinking, in this silence...  
In this white wave, in this silence, I believe...  


Rommie had simply held onto her like a lifeline as she continued to cry, somehow recognizing something strong enough to anchor her in the midst of her emotional storm. 

Beka's own grief had risen back to the surface anew, filling her eyes with tears. She didn't even realize that Rommie had quieted until she felt Rommie's hand on her cheek, brushing away her tears and staring at her with an expression strangely akin to wonder.

__

I can't... help this longing...  
Comfort me...  
I can't... hold it all in,  
if you won't let me...  


The kiss that had followed had less to do with passion than with the simple need for the kind of comfort that words would never be able to offer.

They had both found a much-needed release in the ensuing press of body to body and mouth to skin, drowning in each other to keep from drowning alone in their grief. Strangely, silence still reigned, as if they were afraid even the smallest sound would shatter the fragile peace they'd managed to build themselves.

__

Heaven holds a sense of wonder,  
and I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides...  


Morning brought with it doubts, guilt, and tears, tempered by compassion and understanding, as well as Beka's simple pragmatism.

Rommie had been sitting in the window seat when Beka awoke, staring off blankly into space. She'd turned as Beka stirred, and spoken her first words in days, though haltingly...

"I... loved him, Beka. And I think... maybe I could love you, too..."

It wasn't the most romantic or auspicious start to a relationship - nor even an immediate one - but, as they both struggled to rebuild their lives over the weeks and months that followed, the hope of renewal it offered grew slowly into something made all the more precious for the grief that birthed it...

__

In this white wave, I am sinking, in this silence...  
In this white wave, in this silence, I believe...  
I have seen you in this white wave, you were silent...  
You are breathing in this white wave,  
I am free...


End file.
